It’s been awhile since I’ve written. I guess I allowed myself to get sucked into the busyness of life again. The disease to please is a tough one for me. Sometimes it’s a daily challenge. When the exhaustion hits and I’m lying awake at night thinking of all the things I still should have done better, or crying silent tears from feeling like I’m not enough, I know it’s time to slow down. When I’m too consumed with what I think someone else thinks about me, it’s time to remind myself of all I have and who I have. In those moments of exasperation and self torture I succeed at nothing. I know this. I’ve reflected on this many, many times and still it is my battle. I wrestle with it in my battle. Sometimes holding onto it tightly because being busy feels important, responsible. But sometimes I drag my busyness around like a ball and chain, circles under my eyes, going through the motions and missing the life I’m living.
So it’s time for me to get it under control. To say no when I need to even when I don’t want to. To be who I want to be regardless of others opinions of me. If I want to use 50 hashtags by gosh, I’m going to do it. Something hits my heart…I’m gonna cry about it (let’s be honest this one happens anyway). But that’s ok because it’s part of who I am. I’m a crier, I’m a mother, I’m a sister, I’m an auntie, I’m a friend, I’m a goof, I’m a perfectionist, I’m worker and a lover of life. I get grumpy, I get jealous, I get hangry, I am impatient at times. I am me. And I’m ok with that. Sometimes I just need to remind myself. Maybe you need to slow down and remind yourself of who you are. Maybe you need to remember who you were before the world told you who to be. It’s never to late to find yourself. You’re the easiest person to find after all. ; )